Greetings All, and a happy "Mid Summer Solstice" a day late. It's 9:12pm I just mixed myself a Whiskey Sour and I'm washing dishes, feeding the babies (Cha Cha and Topo, see photo), and getting my dinner ready. I have been promising to make sure I do some kind of Journaling daily, along with some writing.

Hmmm, where to begin? My last post was eons ago and lots has happened. Well, let's begin with finances and work, that's always fun. I'm broke. I go no where and do nothing and barely get by even with the little extra I make here and there. Not complaining mind you, but it DOES get scarey every once in a while. We are theoretically cut loose for the summer on the 30th of June and no job has yet presented itself, and of course, that makes paying the rent and car and insurance payments (screw the credit cards) a little "iffy", but hey.....

Health Issues, well, let's divide that into two categories, "Teeth" and "Physical/HIV".

Dental/Teeth: In major decay, and of course, no possible way to financially have them taken care of, and of course, no dentist or dental school (Thank you UCLA...mine employer) will have anything to offer in the way of help because I haven't a cent to my name. LOL...my rich bitch student at UCLA 2 years ago actually said to me "Well can't you borrow the money?" Well, I know lots of folks willing to lend me thousands with little prospect of being paid back in less than 20 years...if in full at all. And on the phone she said to me (with total aggravation in her voice) "I think you'd be happier with a private Dentist." Well, in honesty, I would, if I could afford one. Leave it be said I am not looking for a free ride, but man, right now I'd like some help...I have only very few teen (3 to be exact) in the back of my head to chew with and 2 of those desperately need to come out. In a word (or two) "FFUCKEN OUCH." Chewing, what little I can chew, is no picnic.

Physical Health/HIV: I don't know about my HIV, I'm do to go in for my tri-monthly, and I'm still not on meds. However, my physical health seems to be collapsing. In January while running for a bus I tore a muscle in my leg. The specialist I saw at Kaiser (stupidly a Osteo specialist, why the ffuck not a muscle specialist...and these guys have degrees) kept saying "I've Never seen anything like it", and suggested I go to the gym and build the muscle around it...smart...I want to see a Sports Medicine Doctor...asshole. Anyhow, here's the rest, my leg is wonky, my knee on the other foot is in pain from something all of a sudden. My spine, especially where I had surgery 6 years ago is in great pain, as is my right side. And silly me, I don't want to call my Doctor because I don't want him to think I'm a hypacondriac (sp)....all this, believe it or not, seemed to be triggered when I went to a massive free clinic put on by the City of LA to have one of the worst teeth I had pulled (well, actually, shattered, they broke it in 3 places to get the already broken tooth out). This was promptly followed by a massive nasal infection, and then hearing loss and ringing in my ear...all of which is still going on.

Now please to understand...I have rarely gone to the doctor all my life, so this all isn't make believe, somethings really up, but....

Sex Life: Goin' good, harder and harder to get it harder and harder even with the little blue diamond, but as a top ffister that doesn't seem to matter. Been going to the play parties, even when I've been hurtin', and it makes me forget I hurt. Got a couple of regulars, including a cute Hispanic 50 year old bartender that comes over on Wednesday to play. I'm doing my best to ween off of the sex sites. I'm gittin' a little too old for everyone on line, and I should be concentrating on other things.

Love Life: What love life? Would like one. Saw the old BF at our Solstice Ritual on Saturday, my heart still wants to explode when he's around...but if they don't love you back they don't love you back. But honestly, in 55 years Terry is the only one I've ever loved "romantically". The other one that came close, but I took off before I could get involved was Roy. I still stare longingly at all his pics, especially when he's on Bear411. My Gods, such sweetness, such boring vanillaness...but right now, I think I could happily settle for that.

Well dear hearts, I know no one will ever read this, after all, it is basically for me a journal...but I wish you all a good night.

Hugs & Love, Dick/Turk/Hotep