Well, I'm sitting here 2night, just having finished dinner and having my nightly (which it has becum) "night cap" which is either straight Glenfiddich, a whisky sour or a Manhattan. Obviously, with all my good intentions I have NOT sat down nightly and journaled as I had intended. However, maybe I will be able to change all that. Now, just what would I like to transform...well, the same things I've been wanting to transform for a few years now....but let me outline them.
Okay, so here's a list in no particular order:
A) HEALTH: Well, I already did the big transformation last year, Negative to HIV Positive in early September...discovered my status on December 23 at my regular "you're a dirty boy" check up at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Merry Christmas and Happy Yule.
B) BECOME HEALTHY. Okay, so now that I'm unhealthy, I need to becum healthy, as I had intended before the HIV surprise...these are what I'd like to do.
#1. Loose Weight. I'm floating somewhere around 155lbs...I want to be between 135 and 140. I can do it, I've done much more before, but when I was younger. With the help of Watchers in my 40's I took off 65lbs. Oh, btw, I'm 55 in case I haven't told.
#2. Beef-Up. No, I do not want to look like Arnold Schwarta-what's-his-face...I don't really like muscle and at 55 don't think I could put it on anyway. I like being thin, muscular...very lean. I rejoined a gym close to home in early January and I've yet to get there...I need to get there.
#3. Keep up with all current health issues. a) I pulled a muscle in my leg recently running for the bus and it's causing me problem. b) My colesteral, all of a sudden after a life of no cholesteral is skyrocketing. c) Tan d) Keep better tabs on my asthma, and e) find out what these strange symptoms of outbreaks are (probably HIV related), f) Get new glasses, I'm ffucking blind these days. AND FINALLY, the big one....G) GET MY FFUCKING TEETH TENDED TO!!! I need at least 3 more pulled which will leave me with no teeth, and in need of either partials, dentures or implants....and of course I have absolutely no way to pay for this venture.
Alright, now that health is out of the way, let's look at my other goals.
C) FFUCK AND GET FFUCKED as often as possible while I still can. I intend to take my first fist this year. As I feel fat and ugly, I need to get thin and feel sexy before all this can manifest.
D) PAY OFF ALL BILLS, and prepare for the summer "down time" from my employer (who could give a ffuck) UCLA. I need to get a summer job lined up before I get thrown to the wolves. This, btw, for anyone who will read it, is a very interesting story that I will be very vocal about...and I hope it shames UCLA to the readers (much as I DO love them and being there). I also desperately need to start saving for old age...oh wait...I am old....well, for 65...ug, 9.5 years away and counting....
E) BUY AND NEW COMPUTER. I desperately need a new computer and want to put up a website, but can't until I do. I'm shooting for an IMac, but I'll settle for another PC. Actually, I like my PC better.
F) START A VIABLE AT HOME BUSINESS. I can do this. Make and sell one of a kind ritual robes on line, with my sketches for sale too. Other things I love to make, runes. Maybe even God and Goddess figures.
G) TRANSFORM THIS BUNGALOW into someplace that I'm not ashamed to have people visit. It wouldn't take much...just DO IT.
H) MOVE!!! I want to live in a larger place with a yard and not many people around me.
I) DO AT LEAST ONE "OLD MAN PORN". I'm still sexy, I ffucken love porn, and I wanna leave one piece of footage, after I get my body back, for posterity. It'll take some Viagra and a shot to the dick, but hey
J) PROGRESS WITH MY COVEN. Continue to study, learn and write ritual and grow as a Witch. I love the Warriors, and I want to dedicate my life to them. Get back to practicing Witchcraft on a regular basis, with study.
K) WRITE FFUCKING SOMETHING I CAN TRY AND PUBLISH. My life long dream, and I neeed to DO it.
L) And last but not least...FALL FFUCKING IN LOVE AND AVE SOMEONE LOVE ME!!! But I don't think that's viable until I clean up MY act.
M) This is a stupid one but: BUY A NEW WARDROBE OF LEATHER AND EVERYDAY CLOTHES. I'm litterally wearing rags...LITERALLY.
Well, that's it for 2night. I actually got important beginning stuff down. My Manhattan is almost gone, and I wanna get to bed somewhat early 2night....I've only been getting 4"ish" hours sleep a night.
BTW, saw "Female Of The Species" last night at the Geffen with my "friend" and I used the term loosely. It was fantastic. Anette Benning was great, but the rest of the cast was an amazing ensemble. We loved it!
BTW, the attached picture is of me at Pantheacon this past Friday night. We presented a ritual for Valentines day, and were ffucking fabulous. This is me in front of my assigned Southern Quarter. Date: 02-12-10, age 55.
G'night and love, Darkmoon
PS: BTW...There is an "N)" GET FFUCKING RICH...I FFUCKING HATE BEING POOR!!!! Why is it we're trained not to believe in or ask for wealth???
